It should come as no surprise that funding is the most difficult, challenging, frustrating, make-you-cry aspect of independent filmmaking. Well, it should be no surprise to anyone but me.
Call me crazy — or overly optimistic — but when I finished the last revision of the script (on February 18th), I didn’t think it would take so long to get a budget, schedule and day-out-of-days done. I didn’t think anyone would diddle daddle over it. See, I don’t diddle daddle, so it doesn’t occur to me that other people will. Especially when people are piecing together an independent film. Just like there’s no crying in baseball, there’s no room in independent filmmaking for any diddle daddling whatsoever. But, there seems to have been a hell of a lot of diddle daddling going on somewhere by someone.
It’s not like I didn’t follow up. Regularly. When I sent out the “Hey. How’s everything going?” emails and got back, “Everything’s great. How are you?” replies, I just thought I was being wickedly impatient (which is sort of my baseline). I actually thought progress was being made. I thought wrong. I don’t have the full explanation of what took so bloody long, mainly because I’m still too peeved to sit down and have a rational conversation about it (that’s what next week’s for). But I have learned a valuable lesson. I need to send a translation along with my emails. When I asked, “Hey. How’s everything going?” what I meant was, “What the hell is going on? Send me a progress report. What is taking so effing long?!?”
The ugly fact of Hollywood (be it studio-fied or independent) is that the writer is the low man (woman, child) on the totem pole. I’m not being a whiny writer about this. I witnessed the shift in the room once I pressed ‘Save’ and ‘Send’ on that final draft. (I did those last revisions in the room with the director and both producers and was later told, “I’ve never seen that happen before.” Whatever. The point is, *that’s* how inclusive I made the revision process.) Once my laptop was closed, they started talking about who they would call in to do the budget and DOOD. The conversation swirled. Everyone had something to say. But, it was like I was no longer in the room. That’s not ego talking. It was just a bizarre turn of atmosphere. Whatever. I let them run with it. My work was done, right?
Like I have said many times before, we are a groovy little quartet, the director, two producers and myself. I adore these people and trust them. However, it has been mentioned, more than once, that I am the writer, and the writer usually isn’t in on that call/meeting/lunch/dinner/what-have-you. But, here’s the rub. I’ve not yet been paid as the writer. I, like everyone else, have been working for free on this project. So, what I am — in addition to being the writer/birth mother of the project — is the owner of the rights. And, with that, I should be included on the call, in the meeting (but I’m happy to skip the schmoozing lunches, dinners and what-have-yous).
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t an ego rant or temper tantrum. This isn’t even a rearranging of the totem pole. It takes a team, and a dedicated one at that, to get something like this off the ground. None of this would have happened without Producer 1. Without Producer 2, we would not have the best Director for the film. I couldn’t be more excited to hand him this baby. But, I’m not just “the writer”. Perhaps I need to remind myself of this as much as I do them.
So, after ten weeks of hearing, “Everything’s great. How are you?”, we finally sent out the budget to the funders, who had to wait an additional week for a second budget (don’t ask). And now we have crickets chirping again. You can’t imagine the level of displeasure this brings me. I opted to share it with one of the producers and my agent, just so were were all on the same page. I’m what you would call a “communicator” that way.
Granted, raising money in Hollywood is always hard. We get the additional kick by attempting to do this in the greatest recession since the Depression. Good times. This puts us firmly in Funding Hell. It’s something akin to Death Valley. Only not as scenic.
Being the impatient sort, and no longer comfortable sitting on the sidelines, I’m now turning over every financial stone I can think of, both here and abroad. I’ve got calls out, feelers out, prayers, chanting and rain dances out. Even with all that, I’m finding myself in a huge hedge maze. Like the one in ‘The Shining’, minus the snow (I’m not ruling out a lurking Jack Nicholson, though). Every turn seems to lead to a dead end. Eventually, we will get to the other side. Of that, I am certain. But, looking at the schedule sent over, I wonder how quickly we can make our way through. If we are to start shooting at the end of July, we kind of need funding like, um, now. Don’t you think?
Yes. We are in f***ing hell. Jeebus.
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